just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
