so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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