And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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