if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
