And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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