I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
