I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
