so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
