Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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