...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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