What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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