The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
