Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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