wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
