You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
