Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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