All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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