I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
