Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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