why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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