I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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