Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
