Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
