id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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