We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
