I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
