Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
