dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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