Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did i walk over a car last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
