honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
