We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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