My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
