You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
