I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
