I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
