Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
