Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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