Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
