She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
