I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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