Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
