if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
