in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
