yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
