hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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