Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
