I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
