in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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