O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
