I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
