I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
