she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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