There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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