I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
